What if we are all just doing a good job? Seriously, what if in our working or not working status, serving frozen chicken nuggets for dinner and later than we meant to sometimes, not leaving the house until the afternoons on the weekends sometimes; the truth is we are all just doing a good job? What if this is things working out?
Right now my kids are watching Thumbelina and I am wondering if we should really be fishing in the pond nearby. That’s the stuff of childhood and memories right? Fishing—and my friend A called and she and her kids are going fishing right now. It is 8:30am, chilly (here in Northern CA it is still cold in the mornings and kind of Scottish landscape feeling). My kids are Jr lifeguarding, acting, swimming, traveling all over the place and making a mud swamp in our backyard this summer—and this morning they think heaven is a plate of mango and a DVD.
I find people who do glass half-empty exhausting. I judge them a for being so “fear-based, anxious, a little over the top-Eeyores.’ Just relax I want to tell them. But in my heart of hearts I am worrying constantly–sure I am screwing up quite often. I have that feeling that anyone who thinks I am not just doesn’t know the truth. Everything is a ‘make or break’ moment and I am running so fast asking the question “Am I doing it right?”
But what if this is really all OK? Bring the reality tv cameras in, this is what it looks like: My bed is not made right now-no one’s is, I can’t remember if I showered yesterday, I have a lot of laundry to get to, I have no plan for dinner. And none of this is because I have low standards or am depressed. I am in a fine mood this morning and enjoying sitting here—it is just there is always a lot. Always a lot to do. I guess that is what I am saying, it just takes a lot and I always think it should be all done, all set and it never ever is. Even when my house is spotless, it is for one moment. Take the picture quick because then life moves in again. My friend MR keeps trying to convince me that her situation is more extreme—her house more disheveled, but I am just not buying it. Her house is not worse; her standards are more off. So, just for today, I am taking the pressure off. If it is a problem that the darn art area looks like Jackson Pollock came through on acid, the problem is my seeing it that way. The problem is my believing that everything should be tight and perfect for us all to be living, growing; feeling loved, feeling joy.
There is a comedian who says ‘My kids could not have lasted a day in the house I grew up in.’ As a parent now, it worries me a bit that everyone seems to get that joke. But, I am going to imagine today that this is it—this is me doing a good job and this is things working out. And I am going to go now and see if they want another DVD.